My daughter has done recreational gymnastics for a few years now, and has recently moved up to a more advanced class. Enter the competitive parents who stress from the bleachers and are plotting their child’s athletic paths. My daughter is only 8, so I can’t say I feel the same. But I find each week annoying. I don’t want to be outright rude and sit away from the other parents, but I also don’t want to hear their side comments and be in their competitive little corner. How do I distance myself without looking outright rude or icy? —Samantha, 34, PA Kathleen West: Dear Samantha: I’m the mother of two teenage athletes, so I’ve been there. It can be irritating, and sometimes downright toxic, to get drawn into conversations about children’s giftedness in any arena. Kudos to you for seeing the big picture and, it sounds like, letting your daughter drive the athletics train. My best advice is to give your most friendly smile and wave to the gaggle, and then sit or stand in another place. If someone asks you why you’re alone, you can make a self-deprecating comment like, “I get so nervous for her, I just need a little space.” If the conversation persists, you can steer it away from the kids and toward yourselves: “What do you do for work?” “Read any good books lately?” “Were you an athlete growing up?” If it gets really sticky, you can say, “My daughter is just experimenting with gymnastics, and I’m not sure how far she’ll want to take it.” In my recent novel, Home or Away, the main character, Leigh, spends her sports-watching time far from the other parents. She might seem aloof there, but she has friends in other spaces. We don’t always have to be joiners or worry about seeming rude. It’s okay to guard against irritation by setting firm and friendly boundaries, and to find our people in spaces separate from our children. Catch up on all our Novel Advice columns here.
