If you are the type of jokester who is known to nudge your pal in the ribs after making a quip, while asking, “Do you get it?”—you’re for sure in the right place! Dad jokes aren’t just for the extroverted, unconcerned fathers of the world. Instead, they’re for anyone who enjoys cringeworthy moments followed by someone in our lives begging for us to shut our mouths, because we’re “oh my gosh, so embarrassing.” Wear it with pride, fellow cornballs! We lost the right to be referred to as cool long, long ago. So sit back, but not too far, and enjoy reading (and obviously laughing) along to these 150 best dad jokes!
Best Dad Jokes
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.What’s brown and sticky? A stick.Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe…
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
Funny Dad Jokes
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.It takes guts to be an organ donor.What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
Bad Dad Jokes
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Corny Dad Jokes
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.I know a lot of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle.What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.Sore throats are a pain in the neck.What does a house wear? Address.Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.My son asked me to put his shoes on, but I don’t think they’ll fit me.I’ve been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back.What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.I didn’t get a haircut, I got them all cut.Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota.What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? “Cool Ranch!”Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record. But I love their greatest hits!I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.I like telling Dad jokes…sometimes he laughs.How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.What’s the most patriotic sport? Flag football.Why were spectators confused by the koala’s self-portrait? It was bear.Why did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
What does a karate master get rewarded with while driving? A seat belt.What did the husband say to his wife right after getting LASIK surgery? “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?“What do lions use to look at their manes? Mirroars.What did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? “It’s a dog eat dog world out there.“Do mascara and lipstick ever argue? Sure, but then they makeup.What piece on the playground is always exhausted? The tire swing.Why did two tall people get along so well? The could really see eye to eye.Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop? She always spilled the tea.What does a writer have in common with a football player? Anxiety over a rough draft.Where do wasps like to get lunch? A bee-stro.
Hilarious Dad Jokes
Why would doors do well on social media? Everyone looks for their handles.Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards? His kid asked him to sit on the deck.What kind of bird is always getting hurt? The owl.What’s either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school? Hogwarts.What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!“Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.What did one furniture maker say to another during a tense discussion? “Let’s table this.“Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.How did the dad prank his daughter using fake dog poop on April Fools Day? He told her to look out for her new sham-poo in the shower.What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity? “I’m a big fan.“What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source? Mystery meat.What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer? “Don’t be such a wet blanket.“Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.What’s a writer’s favorite train station? Penn Station.What was said about the messy, angry man who was eating a can of Pringles? “He’s got a chip on his shoulder.“What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.What kind of shape may have been knighted? Cir-cles.
Why is sand so optimistic? It has a can-dune attitude.What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze? The sta-tues.What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.“Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues? They were engaged.What is Marco’s favorite clothing store? Polo.What do you call it when a lawyer takes a test early in the morning? A breakfast bar.What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life? All-purpose.Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge? The leeks.Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.
What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.How was the handsome runner described? “Dashing.“What animals are the best to call if you get locked out of your house? Monkeys.What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? “Let’s try a different angle.“Why don’t phones ever go hungry? They have plenty of apps to choose from.Why couldn’t the family leave the room after playing with Legos? They were blocked.What makes a basketball court trendy and accessorized? The hoops.What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? “You’re a real gem.”
Check out 101 Funny Quotes, 101 Clean Jokes, and 101 Knock Knock Jokes.
